The journey begins

Peeling Back the Layers

2010-12-08T21:50:00.000-08:00

While reading Francis Chan’s book, ‘Forgotten God’, I was reminded of a little girl in our care who is covered in a thick layer of skin. Chan references C.S. Lewis’s book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, in which a young boy transforms into a dragon. The only way for him to become a boy is to undergo a tremendous amount of pain and as the dragon skin is peeled and torn from him. Chan says “Only after he endures this painful process is he transformed from a dragon back into a boy.”

When Baby Su Su, a child born with Harlequin syndrome, was first brought into the care of Compasio, she was covered in a thick layer of protective skin, or an armor of sorts. This hardened shell encased her from birth to protect her extremely sensitive skin. The pictures of her were so horrific that we could not even post them on the internet. There are only about 100 known people in the world that are diagnosed with this extremely rare skin condition. Her skin doesn’t allow any moisture to escape and if not soaked in water and peeled away, the scales on her body will harden and crack her skin open and cause infection. So as a part of her daily routine, she has to undergo long baths and repeated peeling sessions and be covered in oily creams and lotions to help moisturize her skin.

During the first month, her initial dark brown casing has peeled off and underneath light pink skin appeared. I think about how where I’m from, Southern California, how much emphasis is put on looks, tanning, dying, bleaching, waxing, training, toning,… all to achieve a more beautiful self (according to a western perspective). Su Su can’t do anything to improve the way she appears.

Tonight as I held up her tiny head during her bath time, I was reminded that despite the tragic way she was born, she is still just a little baby underneath. She giggles, erratically waves around her hands and feet, screams, burps loudly, and coos (and sometimes leaves little surprises in the tub). Despite her outer appearance, she’s a charmer and melts most hearts.
Our care is not based on outer appearance and how adorable she is. We love as Jesus loves, we love her for who she is, and the simple fact that she is a child created in the image of God.

Peel back my hardened shell.
Begin the painful process of shedding.
Take away the layers of pain to discover,
The person inside, that I’ve hidden away.
Reveal my true self.
Who you created me to be.
Radiant and beautiful.
Loved, because I am yours.

Creative Restoration

2010-10-12T09:11:00.000-07:00

As my heart is being renewed... and the healthier I become emotionally and spiritually, I feel like my creativity is being restored and becoming a way to bring healing as well.

Last week we had a community soaking (worship) time where we listened to beautiful music in a relaxing, cozy environment.

I set up an art station and some of us painted, drew, collaged, and wrote out words that God was speaking to us. I love the community that we're developing here and how God is drawing our hearts closer together.

Every week we have days that we help out at the children's home, so whenever it's my turn I take along a bag of art supplies and bust them out with the kids. It's been so fun to see their creativity. I'm inspired to learn more about Art Therapy and try to find ways to help the kids find help and healing from their wounds. Maybe that just means sitting with them, painting together and listening when they open up and talk about their lives.

This week we're creating life books with the kids. I look forward to walking through this journey with them.

"I'll call nobodies

and make them somebodies;

I'll call the unloved

and make them beloved.

In the place where they

yelled out "you're nobody!"

they're calling you

'God's living children.'

(Taken from Romans 9 in the Message)

My re-awakening

2010-10-06T04:13:00.000-07:00

I feel like I’ve experienced a re-awakening of my faith in this fall!

I’m so excited to share what has happened in my heart. This past year I’ve walked around with blinders on my heart and they’re starting to come off and I’m seeing God for the first time in a totally different way.

I’d become tired, bored and cynical with church and my faith. It had started to not mean anything to me. The words from the bible that I’d memorized when I was a kid had lost their meaning I’d heard them so many times. Christian-eze (you know the words we all use that makes the world look at us funny and wonder what the heck we’re talking about) had really turned me off and made me leery of going to church at all. I associated a lot of scripture with judgment, condemnation, legalism, and boring sermons.

I wanted fresh faith. A renewal of my love for him. A love like I’d never known.

But I didn’t know how to get there.

It all started when the training program Compasio is running began teaching us about father heart of God. I read the book, alongside The Shack and a few others with the same theme and was blown away.

God really loves me.

Really.

(And not only that but he likes me!)

He cares about my life, and has good plans for my life.

This sounds elementary, but I am finally ‘getting’ it. Something clicked and sank in. I’m trying to erase the hard drive of my faith and re-learn who God is (with fresh eyes). I’m trying not to get hung up on certain language or phrases that I usually automatically tune out. I’ve started reading scriptures from The Message translation and it’s really opened up a new world to me. I mean, these scriptures are ALIVE and totally make sense for my life today! So fresh, and full of meaning and saying exactly what my heart feels.

Instead of a do and don’t list I’m finding Jesus’ words of love and teaching that makes sense to my heart and mind.

Like this verse from Ephesians 5:

“Observe how Christ loved us.
His love was not cautious but extravagant.
He didn’t love in order to get something from us
but to give everything of himself to us.
Love like that.”

Now THAT really makes me want to love like he does!

I’m finding a Jesus I am fond of, and who is fond of me! A God I want to follow, love and worship. Not because I have to, or should out of guilt, duty or appearances, but DESIRE to out of a place he’s deeply touched and begun to heal. My heart.

“He stood me up on a wide open field. I stood there saved- surprised to be loved!
Now you’ve got my feet on the life path.
Ever since you took my hand
I’m on the right way.”
(From Psalm 16).

Free to fly

2010-07-22T09:51:00.000-07:00

As the weather in Thailand is almost ALWAYS hot and humid, we had the doors open at the office/guesthouse today, to let in a breeze. The wind wasn't the only thing the blew in today. Two birds came gliding in the doorway and circled around the living room. I was transfixed by the surreal scene. (I recently watched Inception, and now question reality, ha ha). I stood there amazed for a while, until my more practical boss suggested that I open the windows and doors in the house and try and help them to fly out.

The birds flew upstairs and into a fairly large bedroom, so I quickly shut the door behind them and opened a door leading to the balcony outside and freedom. They flew around the room confused for a while, landing on curtain rods, lamps, the bed, but seemed to avoid their only source of escape. I couldn't understand, the room was dark, the only light was coming in through the open door, yet they shied away from it. I was verbally encouraging the birds (yes, I was talking to wild animals), "Go towards the light! Come on, the door's right there, you can be free. Why won't you go outside? It's where you want to be." And then I realized how frightened the birds were. I could see their hearts beating so hard their chests were thudding. They were reacting in panic and flying into walls. It felt so distressed and helpless watching them suffer. I wanted them to be free but they had to find the way out for themselves. All I could do was encourage from the sidelines.

I think I felt sad because I realized I relate to their situation in more ways than one. Sometimes I hide from the thing I need most, I run away from the light because I'm scared. I feel trapped and helpless, and want someone to show me the way out.

It also reminded me of some of the people we've met along the border. Life has become so terrifying that they react and live out of fear and panic. When everything is stripped away, and all you possess is your own soul and family, your children are hungry and crying, desperation sets in. You have to dig through garbage to find food. You will do anything to help them. You would lie, beg, cheat, steal, even go to prison, and some have. Where is their way out? Where is the open door, the light? Where is their salvation and hope?

Sometimes I feel like we're lights on the runway, trying to wave people in the right direction and help them find the way. We are not their salvation, but we know the one who is.

The birds eventually found their way out.

2010-06-02T05:37:00.000-07:00

I was looking at a picture of a fallen cottonwood tree against a starry night sky. And the photographer had written below that he often returned to that spot to witness the tree’s changes. He noticed, “when a fractured limb decayed, then sprouted new growth right before my eyes, it was a powerful reminder that there are times we have to let part of ourselves go to make way for something new.” Sometimes letting go of something or someone, feels like we lose part of who we are, part of our identity.

Last week at a house church here in Thailand the theme was ‘Goodbyes’ (which means, ‘God be with you’). Several of the missionary kids are graduating high school this week and must leave their families and go to a different country (to the states) for college. It was a tearful time as they said goodbye to ‘home’, the culture they’d formed here, and their families and to move to an entirely different life where things worked differently. They will go on to undoubtedly experience some real struggles, beyond the usual homesickness and search for identity students go through. I thought of the sacrifice they were making, and their families were making. But if they remained, their growth would stagnate and they would miss out on an education. It was time for them to leave the nest and go to a place far far from home.

Some of the youth, who were leaving shared, “The fruit needs to fall from the tree or it will rot. It will not complete it’s purpose.” The pastor was completely honest. He said, I’m going to admit things will change and it will hurt a lot (talking to those who were both leaving and those who were staying behind) but God is your refuge in that pain. If we let go for a little while, we’ll be able to see for eternity the fruit of the seed that has fallen.

Maybe we can’t always go with each other, but you can be sure that wherever you go, or whatever struggle or change in life you go through, God will be with you.

The power of a word

2010-03-15T10:31:00.000-07:00

When I'm hanging out with friends, I'm used to being around people who tease and joke with pretty sarcastic humor, all in good fun, but sometimes it cuts a little too close and actually stings a little. Sometimes, I too, get in the habit of saying things that are borderline mean when I'm trying to joke, and I'm used to receiving this kind of 'love' in return.

So it really surprised me the other day, when I was borrowing a friend's motorbike and getting ready to drive away, and he said, "You be careful!" And I said, "You mean, take care of your precious bike"? And he said surprisedly, "No! I mean, take care of your precious Life!"

I was kind of dumbstruck. I, swallowed hard, put on my helmet (which I don't always bother to wear, but felt the strange pull to wear it today), and slowly drove away. It may have been a simple thing for him to say, and he may not have given it a second thought afterwards. But it stuck with me and left me with something to think about the rest of the ride. His words, in contrast to the biting answer I was expecting, kinda blew me away.

I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before...

Yes, sure, I've heard that all our lives are precious to God, and even told it to other people. But maybe I didn't really understand that it applied to me, until someone spoke those words to me.

I thought about this fact,
someone thinks my life is precious...
and that I should take care of it....

It hit me deeply. As I drove down the highway, tears rained down my face. I know I have a bit of a broken self image, which is taking a lifetime to heal, but if someone else believes my life is precious enough to take care of... maybe I should believe it too.

Community

2010-02-18T05:34:00.000-08:00

Have you seen the T.V. series "Community"? Since I spent a couple years at Pasadena City College back in the day, I find it hilarious. It's a funny show that singles out all the different kinds of people that go to Community College; the nerdy guy who talks a lot, the odd old guy, the divorced mother who's going back to school, the pretty girl, the guy who was popular in high school, but is now feeling like a loser, etc. And what makes it funny is that you've probably known or been similar to one of the characters.

So this odd group of people ends up in a Spanish study group together, and they couldn't BE more different! But, what makes me love this show is that despite how different they are, and how unlikely it is that they would be friends, they end up growing to be each others best friends and creating their own "Community". They come to accept, and even stand up and defend each other and become their own kind of family. In the first episode the nerdy guy who talks a lot, spills a lot of information to the main character, about a girl the other one has a crush on, and he looks at him and says "I see your value now." And even though he's using the nerdy guy to some extent, it's a touching moment. And he replies, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

But it just made me think, who have I known who has seen my true value? I can think of a handful of friends and relatives, and realized, these are the people who have left the biggest impacts on my life. They were Jesus to me. They saw something inside me which I was unable to see. They listened to me and didn't push me aside or ignore me. They saw my worth, as a child of God, and pointed it out to me and made me see it too. That was one of the best gifts anyone could ever give me.

Who has seen your true value? Who makes you see it too? Do you look for the gift in others? Try and see someone's true value today, look a little deeper, and then let them know! Think of what an incredible difference you could make in someone's life, simply by noticing, and pointing it out.

Swine Flu masks=deep thoughts

2010-01-14T01:21:00.000-08:00

People wear some pretty strange masks. Especially now that swine flu has been going around. I’ve seen masks painted up with hearts and flowers, vampire teeth, kissy lips, buckteeth, the works. Anything to be different and still be a shield of protection.

Yesterday I saw a guy on a motorbike wearing a black mask with white skeletal teeth and jaw painted on it. It made him look like something out of a horror film. It shocked me at first when he saw me staring and he waved at me. I jumped, and then realized all I could see were his eyes, he might actually be a friendly guy and smiling underneath for all I knew. It reminded me that no matter how scary or different he looked or acted, he was just human underneath.

It made me start thinking about masks. We all seem to wear a few. Which ones do I wear? What do they protect me from? How many people do I let see the real me, raw and real? How many people do I meet every day that look perfectly normal on the outside, yet are hiding great pain, anger, rejection, or feelings of shame and worthlessness?

How can we develop an atmosphere of trust, where people feel free to let down their guard in our presence and feel welcomed and loved, just as they are? I think it begins by allowing God to really see us, just as we are, not hiding behind anything and receiving what he says about who we are. And then maybe we can gingerly begin to lift our own mask.

Purple homesick Christmas Trees

2009-11-23T00:17:00.000-08:00

The holidays are here! In Thailand it’s a bit weird to see Christmas decorations and advertising for Toffee nut latte’s outside of starbucks when it’s 90 degrees outside and there’s sweat rolling down my back. But thankfully the weather took a turn this weekend and dropped to so cold that I was freezing while riding my motorbike even though I was wearing a sweatshirt and two layers underneath! I happily hummed jingle bells as I rode away and the cold weather inspired me to go buy a miniature Christmas tree for my apartment. I decorated it with purple tinsel and a couple ornaments. It now sits in the corner and glows warmly at night and reminds me of seasons past with my family, and comforts me and makes me homesick at the same time.

Last week when my boss invited me to Thanksgiving dinner with his family, it made me SO happy. Because, although I LOVE being here in Thailand, and have many close friends, and people I love, it’s still a little hard around the holidays to be away from family.

Are there people in your community, or on the fringe of your community who may be alone over the holidays? Maybe a student who couldn’t go home? Or an older person who lives alone? Or an international friend who’s never celebrated Thanksgiving or Christmas? This is a great chance to BE a community and invite people into your home, or if you yourself are lacking a place to be, gather those around you who may be in the same situation, and be community and family for each other. Have a great Thanksgiving and share it with someone.

"Chilie Eye"

2009-08-22T01:29:00.000-07:00

Today was an awesome day spent with great friends in Modesto California. I'm staying with Mary, who just spent 6 months in Thailand working with Compasio in Mae Sot. I really missed her so I drove 5 hours up to see her and some of our friends. We hung out with Aaron (P.Mee), Chris, and Jimmy today, who make up YWAM modesto and have a really cool relational ministry with the poor. They have all been out to Thailand and worked with Compasio and met our kids, so it's really cool to be on the other side and see what they do here in the states.

It's really quite similar, and based out of simply loving and building relationships with those that are overlooked, ignored, or are "hard" to love. They are on a first name basis with the crazy guy on the corner holding up the signs ranting all day. They are serenaded by a lady with a beautiful voice who sings for change. They ask the homeless guy on the corner, how's you're back feeling? Have you talked to your mother lately? How's she doing? They hang out on fridays on the corner of 9th street, one of the hardest places in town, just at the edge of a trailer park and a crumbling hotel that is rented out on a daily or monthly basis. People with names and faces live in really hard conditions and may have come to the end of hope and are strung out on drugs, or selling their bodies to make a buck, but now they are becoming familiar with the faces of my friends who visit regularly and get to know their names and stories and call them "friend". And it's really a beautiful thing to see community being formed, and that they are really treated as our brothers and sisters, not just as "the homeless guy", "the druggie", "the prostitute".

After hanging out all morning with our vagrant friends we headed to the famed line up of Modesto Taco Trucks for an awesome lunch with cold cokes in glass bottles shipped up from Mexico and tacos and burritos. I was enjoying eating big ol' hot peppers with my carne asada burrito, and think unthinkingly rubbed my eye and it started burning! Arley, one of the homeless guys who's become a good friend to the ywam guys, started calling me Miss Chilie Eye, from that point on. It was really cool to be given a nickname by him and when we dropped him off at the lot where he's built a little innovative shack out of tarp and some scraps, he said "Real nice to meet ya Miss Chilie Eye." And I felt exactly the same way. :)

baby tears, haircuts and monkey love

2009-04-02T11:18:00.000-07:00

Today I was at the baby house, and Chat (the house dad) was giving the little boys hair cuts. Min Min sat still and was so great. Noan Wai, also endured it pretty well. And then it was lil' 2 year old Nai Nai's turn. He sat in the chair and instantly started crying and reached out for me. This was the first time he's ever reached for me, and I guess his fear of the buzzing clippers was greater than his fear of farang (white people) (Remember he's lived in a prison his whole life, and hasn't ever seen the outside world). I sat and held him while he got his haircut and he clung to me and cried like his heart was breaking, his face pressed up against mine, with his tears running down my own cheek. By the end of the haircut we were both covered in hair and tears. I'm sad he cried, but loved holding him.

It reminded me of when I lived in the village and we had a pet monkey, Ling Ling, oh I miss her! She knew I was her friend and ally when others shooed her away. (I am not really a pet person, but when it came to this monkey, I was in love). So she would come up and cling to me, the only problem was, the dirt and fleas, so we decided to give Ling Ling a bath. She was terrified of water and clung to me tightly at the sight of it. So we decided the only way to give her a bath, was to give me one too. So we began pouring buckets of water over her, and all down me, and soaping her up with shampoo. I swear she was going to break my skin she was clutching me so tightly. But I think, that was the moment I bonded with her so tightly.

Let all that you do be done in Love

2009-02-25T09:42:00.001-08:00

This week we were taking a couple of our kids to visit their mother in prison. While we were there one of the guards asked why we had custody of the children. We explained that we have a safe house for children in high risk situations where they are homeless, in danger of being trafficked, or abused. They said, Oh! Can you help us too? There are five babies living in the prison with their mothers and they need a safe home. Wow! How do you answer with anything but Yes! Of course we will! We don't have a house yet, or the staff, but we know that this is a need, we were asked to help, and we must respond! So we have agreed to take in 5 more babies by the end of the month! Please pray that we can find a house to rent and loving and safe caregivers to take care of these children, and sponsors for the babies, and SOON! God loves to answer our prayers. :) I can't wait to tell you how He answers.

Today after our Compasio meeting, in Mae Sot Thailand, we were talking about how ultimately we exist, as people and as a group, to have a heart of love and compassion. We are called to love God and we are called to love people. Those are our two highest aims in life, everything else is just icing on the cake. Working with the poor is definitely not just a job. None of us are in it for the benefits. But each of us are greatly blessed and feel a deep reward when we are able to walk alongside someone who is discarded and overlooked, and look into their eyes and see them as a friend and fellow human. We are not any better than them, we come to serve the dregs of society as Jesus did. It's kind of mind blowing and local people are confused. Like they might warn us, watch out there's a beggar kid following you, and we would turn around and say, yeah, they're with us. And hold their hand proudly as we walk through the market to buy them some lunch. People
stare. It's just not "normal". But are we called to be normal? Is that why we were created? I think God has called us to a radical life of sacrifice and love.

When faced with a hard situation. Let's risk on the side of love. And pray for our Prison Babies!
Love,
-Rachel Snodderly

Garbage School shoes

2009-02-24T07:51:00.000-08:00

Feb. 13, 2009
Seventy migrant children walked home from school wearing new shoes today. Last week, one of our teams donated money for shoes for the children that go to the “garbage school” (it’s right in front of the garbage dump in Mae Sot). And we got to have the fun of shopping for shoes and then delivering the presents! The children lined up by class level to try on shoes, found a pair that fit, and then happily compared their gleaming white shoes with each other.

All of the children are migrant kids from Burma . They affectionately call their school “The Garbage School.” Three of the children we sponsor are enrolled here. Every day the children pack themselves into a bamboo classroom with only thin dividers between the three levels, and the babies in the nursery sleep curled up side by side in a small room off to the side. Today the teachers woke up the toddlers to come try on their shoes, and they stumbled over bleary eyed, shirts falling off one shoulder, hair all a mess and they found a gift waiting for them that made them smile. It was kind of like being woken up on Christmas morning to open your stocking. It’s amazing what $1 flip flops can do. Now the children can walk to school down the pot-hole filled roads, with shoes on their feet and a smile on their face.

Walking with Labor pains

2009-02-24T07:44:00.000-08:00

We have a new member of our Compasio family! This tiny little guy, who has yet to be named, was born to one of the migrant families we have begun to help. We are so excited to welcome him to the world, and praise God that he made it. His mother was very sick during her pregnancy and has a long history with illness. We have been praying for her throughout the pregnancy. The doctors were not sure if she was strong enough to have the baby, but she proved how strong she was by walking five miles to the clinic when she was in labor! (She didn’t have a cell phone or vehicle).We visited them at home today and are going to buy groceries for them tomorrow. This very family, whom we love, could still use a monthly sponsor to send their three small boys to school, and provide rice and medicine for their needs. Please contact us (rachel@compasio.org) if you want to serve and love them in this way.

A ring from a beggar girl

2009-02-24T07:38:00.001-08:00

Feb 13, 2009
I’ve run into a ton of street kids this week and had several touching experiences. I bought water and noodles for one of the sweet little girls, Salima, 10 yrs, and she pulled out a ring (the kind you get in a gumball machine) and placed it on my finger. I said, no, no, you keep it! But she insisted, and I was touched by her act of friendship and love. These guys are our little buddies, and everywhere we drive around town we always see little kids jumping up and down alongside the road waving at us. I love it.

I’ve also had a chance to use my creative side this month. I have been busy getting things together for our new office building we’ve started renting. I’m trying to creatively use the limited resources we have to make a comfortable environment to serve and work in (with lots of pictures of the kids on the walls of course!).

2009-02-24T07:31:00.000-08:00

Feb. 2, 2009
I'm so blessed to be back in Mae Sot. I have had awesome times with the street kids and safehouse kids this week! I am adjusting back to being in Thailand and trying to remember how to drive the Land Rover, and stay on the left side of the road. Tomorrow the other staff and I are taking the safehouse kids to where they call "The beautiful place" a reservoir/dam area where we go for picnics. Tonight we just played in a field chasing each other around til the sun set. I loved seeing and remembering how carefree childhood can be, and was so SO happy to see these kids enjoying it. I've loved every minute with them.
Please be praying for one more staff member for the safehouse (because one of their live-in caregivers is getting married next week) we need someone with a loving heart and a LOT of patience. :) And please pray for my re-adjustment and for friendships here and a sense of community.
Love,
Rachel

2009-02-24T07:14:00.001-08:00

Jan 20th, 2009

I can't wait to get back to these little cuties in Thailand. These little girls are two of the eight children that live in our safehouse along the Burma border. They used to live on the streets and beg for money but now their lives are transformed and they are in a safe place and being loved and cared for. I'm used to seeing them every day and spending at least a few hours coloring or playing with them. When I heard my friend was smothered with hugs when he came to see the kids I was very jealous, but in a little over a week I'll be ambushed with hugs too. :)

I've been back in the states for the past month and go back to Thailand on the 19th. It's been a wonderful time at home and catching up with friends, but it will be hard to leave (as it always is) but will be great to be back for another term.

Jesus was a refugee

2009-02-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

Dec. 20, 2009
Merry Christmas!
I hope you are enjoying the Christmas season. I've found myself back in Pasadena for the holidays with my friends and family but am also really missing the street kids out in Thailand. I wonder if they are warm, if their stomachs are full, if they are safe.
Tonight I'm reminded of a child who was born without a home, in a dirty room, surrounded by animal feces. He was born a refugee, destined to wander from town to town. I wonder how often he went hungry, didn’t have a roof, or became exhausted and just laid his head on a rock and cried. He deeply identifies with us in our hurt and weaknesses and this gives me hope. It's incredible to me that Jesus, God of the universe, understood what it was like to be like you and me. This same child also became someone who brought hope to the world. I’m glad that he knows and cares for each life, and these children are precious to him. I’m glad to know my friends that work with Compasio will be looking out for these kids and feeding them every day.

Hoping your Christmas is filled with moments of hope and joy.

Rachel

Kissed by a prostitute

2009-02-24T05:20:00.000-08:00

So I've been really really bad about posting on here, and it's about freaking time I guess. So I'm going to post all of the updates I've sent out via email over the past few months to catch you all up.

Pattaya Praise
Nov. 15, 2008

God is taking over Pattaya City!!!
I have just returned to Mae Sot after a couple weeks of being down in Pattaya (where I worked last year with Randy and Edie Nelson). I attended Pattaya Praise and helped to take a couple teams around the city to different events. It was a completely awesome experience to worship God with amazing worship bands in bars, in front of malls, in school auditoriums (with the city Mayor attending and being prayed for), They even let us hand out bibles in a public school assembly and play concerts there for the kids. And even in a huge venue called Tiffany's (a transvestite show that attracts many to the city). We crowned Jesus king over Pattaya in that place and even got to pray for the owner's wife. It is a very significant place in the city as one of the original places that started bringing sex tourists.

Kissed by a prostitute:
It was amazing to see God being worshipped and praised in the places in the pockets of darkness that exist all around the city. We got to pray with students, bar girls and owners, and recovering prostitutes. I ran into a lady that I'd seen in the bars last year and got a chance to pray with her. Her name is Pen. I hugged her and said God loves you very much (in thai) and she beamed a smile at me and kissed me on the cheek. It was so sweet. I think she just felt loved there that night (a pure love unlike what she's used to receiving from crude men), and I think something touched her soul. There were other ladies there that listened to the concert and testimonies but hung back from being prayed for. One had very sad haunted eyes and she was wearing black. I didn't catch her name, but please pray for her and all the women like her.

A glimpse into the city:
We went on a prayer journey and prayed at the gate of the city, and at key places, and on the mountaintop overlooking the city. There were teams of thai dancers that performed, some breakdancing teens too.

Lessons in giving from beggars

2008-10-14T10:39:00.000-07:00

So, I went to the street restaurant today, where we feed the beggar kids, armed with supplies, colored pencils and a stack of white paper. I only had to park my motorbike at the front of the market when the first lady approached me. She was dirty and her hair was a mess, she was carrying a toddler in a sling around her. She made the universal sign for hunger, of hand to mouth then an outstretched hand for a donation. I motioned in sign language, let's go eat over there! (She speaks Burmese and I speak Thai, so sign language is used a lot here). We went down the alley way to the restaurant where rice is only 10 Baht a a plate (30 cents). Along the way we picked up the usual suspects, all our street kids. Sometimes there are only 3 or 4 that we find in the market, but today 13 showed up! (I guess word gets out fast!) We all sat down for a meal at the table with green peeling paint. I held the adorable chubby toddler while the mom ate. The sad, hopeless look she had while begging had been replaced by a beautiful smile. I was blown away by her beauty.

Another mother showed up, the mom with red stained teeth and a gaggle of kids that all beg for a living. She has a newborn, who recently had a high fever, and should NOT be out on the streets already picking up diseases at this tiny age. I asked to hold the baby, and she wrapped his bottom in a dirty blanket in case he felt the urge to pee on me or worse (this has happened to my friend Sia before, we have it on video!). While I held the red faced, weakly crying baby, I prayed aloud for him. Now I don't usually just bust out praying for people, but the urge came over me, and it just seemed natural. So I prayed that God would bless this little baby's life, keep him safe and healthy, and that he would grow up and have a good life and hopefully escape the cycle of poverty. I spoke to him gently and said "I'm sorry this is the life you were born into, you couldn't choose where you were born. But now that you are loved. Jesus loves you SO much, and we do too."

He kept crying hungrily, so the mother, who was still busy eating, picked him up and handed him to the other mother, who, without giving it a second thought, pulled up her shirt and started nursing him. My jaw dropped open, I had never seen that before! I've heard of wet nurses, but never seen someone just pick up and nurse someone else's baby! But somehow, (even though it was weird to my western mind) these ladies just knew, this child is hungry, let's feed him. I wonder if they even knew each other... but they saw a need and they met it. What did they possess? Nothing, but still managed to give and meet needs of hungry children.

The children and I had fun coloring, writing abc's and I learned how to say Dog in Burmese (Kweh) from a 12 year old boy named Noh-deh. For a few minutes, they were just children again... we really want to get a drop in shelter started for these kids, so they can just have a safe place to come by and hang out, get food, relax and play.

Yes, Jesus loves me

2008-10-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

Last night was such a special time with the babies. I had just recovered enough from my stomach illness that I was finally able to venture out of the house (for the first time in 3 days), and I hadn’t seen the little ones at the safe house in so long. So I went over there around 8pm to say goodnight to them, they met me at the door with huge excited hugs and said, “We heard you were sick, so we’ve been praying for you!”

These kids are amazing! Back in June they were living on the streets, had no real family and came from a Muslim background. Now they have been at the house over four months and tell me often things they’ve learned like, Jesus loves me!

And Saja, the 8 year old budding artist, always asks me to sketch with him and I asked him, “What should we draw?” And he said, “Prah Yesu, Jesus dying on the cross for our sins. And then down below lets draw all the children in the world. Jesus loves everyone. And then here, let’s draw me, really big, looking up at Jesus.” Awww. I am SO proud of them. They are really growing, both in their love and care for others and in their love for God and letting God love them.

And that night I got to tuck 2 year old Ali into bed, tell him a story, and sing him some lullabies (he requested “Jesus Loves Me” because he can sing along for the chorus and do the sign language to “Yes Jesus Loves Me” and then at the end of the song we always clap and say Yay!), and then I patted his back ‘til he fell asleep. He was so precious. I love sleeping children.

Love amidst persecution

2008-09-15T08:37:00.000-07:00

Loving our enemies and praying for those who persecute us? Was Jesus being serious? Can we really learn to love those that abuse their power and hurt innocents.

Today I met some people face to face who are seen as many people's enemies in Burma. Although they had a slightly tough exterior from being at war and who knows what kind of experiences, I still saw their humanness underneath. Everyone has justification for what they are doing that makes it okay in their minds. I found myself wondering, how can things go so wrong that you can justify killing people from your own country? I wanted to hate them for what they were doing, but found that I couldn't.

Paul was even someone who killed and persecuted christians. His life was radically transformed and he became someone who changed history, wrote books of the Bible and built up the church. Jesus calls for us to love, but he also calls for justice. For standing up for the rights of widows and orphans and those who are treated unfairly.

My soul struggles to make sense of what I've seen. I've seen the faces of the victims of war (in the refugee camps) and now I've seen the faces of their oppressors. They were once brothers and sisters, and now they are torn apart and have learned to hate each other. What about all the innocent children that are born into this war torn country? They cannot decide which side of the fighting they are born on. Who will help them? What will become of their lives?

I read this tonight and was challenged by it:

"The Dalai Lama... was driven from his own country and witnessed the systematic killing, torture, oppression, and expulsion of his people." yet... "is free from any hatred or bitterness toward the Chinese who ravaged his land and murdered his people. He says "They too are human beings who struggle to find happiness and deserve our compassion." Jesus took upon himself the suffering of all people and made it into a gift of compassion to his father. That, indeed is the way for us to follow." -Henri Nouwen

As I am surrounded by so much pain and stories of abuse and neglect, and sometimes meet the abusers as well as the victims, I am constantly reminded, that those who hurt other people are deeply hurting and wounded at the core themselves. Something inside has been damaged and the pain causes them to lash out and inflict their inner pain on others. In the case of Burma, it's like the whole country is suffering. I don't have any answers of how to change the huge problem and I know my knowledge of the situation is so small, but my heart cries out for God to healthe deep pain of the nation, and brings justice and mercy and also compasion to the leaders of the country. Would you join me in praying for transformation and healing of this nation...?

Something beautiful

2008-09-03T08:12:00.000-07:00

Last week we discovered a 91 year old grandma living down the street from our safehouse in a little hut by herself. She has no one to look after her, and she has lived in poverty often going out without food, never bathing, and everything she owned was dirty. She has been so neglected. She has open sores on her legs from where she fell down (and no one was there to help her). We were so sad and shocked to see her living all alone in these conditions. The first day, we gave her a bath, wrapping her in a sarong, and sitting out in the sunshine, we poured warm water over her and scrubbed away layers upon layers of built up dirt. Her body is so fragile, my fingers can wrap around her arms and legs, she is literally skin and bones.

Everyday little by little, we've gone over to help her, washing her clothes, cleaning her house, bringing food, and bringing the children to play with her. They both love it, it's so amazing to see these kids, who used to live on the street and live in pathetic conditions but now who live in a place where they receive love and care, come over to her house, feel sorry for her, offer to help sweep her floor and wash her clothes, and sit with her. Her eyes simply light up when they're around.

Today we got to buy some new clothes and shoes for grandma (she only had 2 mismatched worn out flip flops and raggedy stained clothing). After a bath and powdering her face, and combing her hair, she put on her new clothes and we all had tears in our eyes, something beautiful was happening.

We replaced her musty very dirty bedding and ripped up mosquito net and replaced them with a new clean mattress, sheets, pillow, blanket and net. I love being able to help people in this way, it makes all of us smile.

Praise God that we discovered grandma, we've received such a blessing from knowing her, and she has been able to receive so much love and care as well. She is a source of healing for the children, and also receives healing from her loneliness from being with them. It's truly a blessing from God that we met her. It has brought meaning and purpose to all of our lives. Even the community is coming by to visit her now, bringing food, curious about who all these kids are that are visiting her.

Love and blessings to you all! I hope you can share a taste of this beautiful something that is forming here.

2008-08-30T07:31:00.001-07:00

I got to attend a conference on friday on child protection. My heart almost broke when a friend there told me that children orphaned by the cyclone in Burma sing and pray this song at night:

"Hide me now, under your wings,
Cover me within your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know his power in quietness and trust."

Village visit

2008-08-26T07:45:00.000-07:00

This past weekend was a valuable time in which I learned through a feeling of loneliness the strong desire of my heart to meet and be filled by the heart of God. I had been through some personal experiences that left me feeling a little sad, overwhelmed and disappointed. I was comforted by the sweetness of God as I traveled throughout the countryside of thailand. Whenever I get outside the city, I look for a field or a tree I can go sit under, take a journal and find solace and pray and God always meets me there.

This time I went up to Chiang Rai, with my roommate Sia, for her friend's wedding. It was an interesting cultural experience, and many of the Akha hilltribe ladies came dressed in their beautiful traditional outfits they've handmade. We stayed in Sia's mother's hut and slept on the floor at night. The view from her house was amazing. It was a great time of being together with her family. The village was like a clash between ancient and modern, Check out the satellite on the side of this grass hut!

2008-08-26T01:00:00.001-07:00

Living in the in-between

2008-08-06T22:25:00.000-07:00

What can I say? On one hand I'm wondering how long I can really stay here. I'll have to cut corners and make money stretch, but that's fairly easy to do in Thailand. I can survive here on little. I get all caught up in this weird complex feeling guilty for support raising enough to fulfill my budget, because the refugees here live on the very very basics and sometimes not even that. Fish paste and rice, and sometimes there's enough soap and mosqito nets. So how can I possibly complain if I have to start eating on a couple dollars a day? I feel poor in comparison to my friends in America, yet wealthy compared to my friends in thailand.

I also want to help people here with what I have, but am I just throwing money at a problem and creating a cycle of dependency? What is the right thing to do here? I can't just ignore hungry kids either. I can feed and clothe a few kids, but not all of them. What about the rest? There are always more children that need food and clothes. They keep pouring over from Burma each day. I feel bad helping some and not the others. But if we don't help the "some" no one will be helped. This is tearing at my brain and heart.

Continuing the legacy of date night with Dad

2008-07-26T10:09:00.001-07:00

Hi Daddy!

I was reminded of you because of what we're doing tonight. We're taking each of the kids in the safe house out individually, one a night, for date night! They need some special one on one time to know they are loved and special. These kids have come from abusive families and have lived on the street, begged for money, picked through garbage of people's meals to find food. And now they are in a loving home, being well taken care of, fed and clothed and every need provided. They get to go to school and go on fun outings like going to playland and to a waterfall (where we took them last week). They must think they've gone from paupers to princes and princesses. I just read a scripture last night that reminded me of this:

He stoops to look, and he lifts the poor from the dirt and the needy from the garbage dump. He sets them among princes. He gives the barren woman a home so that she becomes a happy mother.
Psalm 113: 6-9

We're taking them to this amazing place that we call the jungle restaurant that has huge jungle trees and vines and curvy paths past a lake. It's a bit like going to disneyland. The kids are each going to receive a gift that encourages them in their interests (art, photography, etc.) that we've noticed in them.

Thanks for all the dates you've taken me on Dad, and for telling me I'm special and encouraging me in my giftings (so I could come here and do this for someone else).
I love you!
Rachel

Living the life I've dreamed of

2008-07-17T08:41:00.000-07:00

It's been amazing getting to know the children in the safe house for street kids. Spending time with them, hugging them, playing together, feeding, changing and bathing the little ones, praying and singing "Yes jesus loves me" with them (it's so cute, the 2 year olds do the sign language and shake their little fists up and down and sing along), but it's also VERY tiring. I'm freakin' exhausted! And it's been less than a week (with 6 kids) but 12 hours a day + is nuts. I don't know how mom's do it EVERY day ALL the time.

We're trying to start homes that have a mom and a dad, and no more than 7 kids per house, so they feel like real families not institutions, and so the kids can get the love, care and attention they need. It's such an incredible difference between the life they grew up with (begging on the streets, sleeping there at night, getting beaten, living in fear, hungry, dirty, cold, tired, etc.) to where they are now.

They've been living in the safe house for a month now, they have all the food they want, real beds, people who love them (they KNOW this, they surprisedly remark "she loves me!" to other people in thai). They're learning to share, be kind to each other, clean up after themselves, take care of themselves (bathe every day), and even get to have toys, go to school, watch tv, go to the park and tomorrow we're going to a waterfall! They're starved for love and attention and always cuddle up with us, but are more secure than they were last month. They laugh and smile all the time. And the house is full of love. It's so awesome to see the ways they are growing and changing.

But pray that I and the other staff get rest, don't get sick (cause we're starting to), know how to love the children, and that all their needs would be met and they would rest securely in the love we give them and the love of the father.

Things to do before I die #17: Start an Orphange.

2008-07-13T07:34:00.001-07:00

I love that I got sent a reminder of this today via email. I made a list sometime during college of 43 things to do before I die, and randomly every 6 months or so, the site will send me a reminder of one of the things. Today it was a reminder to: Start an Orphanage. It's just awesome, because although I'm not starting one, I'm joining a ministry organization that is, and I spent the whole day (my first day here in Mae Sot) with 6 orphaned kids at a safe house, and pretty much my whole next year is going to be like this.

I also made a pact of sorts during college with a friend of mine (Yo Haz!) that when she was finished with med school in 8 years (making the year 2008) that we would start up a street kids home. She was gonna do medical stuff and I was gonna love and care for the kids. Well... it's not exactly happening in India (yet! Who knows...!) but it's kinda funky that this is where life (or God) has taken me and I end up doing that very thing in SE Asia in 2008.

Living the Dream (as my friend Courtney would say!)
I love that this year is going to be full of adventures and that my awesome organization is so flexible and has given me freedom to pursue the things I love. So when my friend asked me "What is your Dream?" I said... "I think I'm going to be living it this year!" Doing art with kids, Getting to be a Photojournalist of sorts, writing stories, learning a new language, digging into a new culture, living with Karen hilltribe people, helping refugees, street kids and orphans. Wow, God is amazing and has blessed me with such a sweet opportunity. Check out the website Compasio.org to learn more about my org.

What's on YOUR list of things to do before you die? Please post comments in response! :)

2008-07-08T09:53:00.000-07:00

Wow, what a full two weeks this has been. It has been one of the best short term trips I've been on. It was very sad to part with all the good friends I made (both Indonesian and American team members).

We spent Sat-Weds at an orphanage in Kalimantan (Borneo) hosting an arts camp again. We had dance, music, art and creative writing classes for the kids. We also had some fun Indonesianteam building camp-type games involving cheering, blindfolds, bananas, leaking water cups and flour. (only ONE kid threw up after choking on a banana so we consider it a success). There was also a game where each team was given 5 minutes to create a costume for a jungle queen or king, using only things you can find out in the jungle. Those kids were SO creative and wrapped banana leaves, vines, flowers, together to create amazing outfits and headdresses! Then we had a fashion show with their green outfits.

Our goal was to let these kids know they were special loved and valuable. One special memory was sitting in a classroom while Olivia (a team member) read "You are Special" by Max Lucado to the kids. I think the kids understood the message of the story, that it doesn't matter what people say about you or what stars or marks they give you based on your looks or performance, all that matters is that the creator made you unique and he loves you the way you are. The kids ended up turning this into a play and performing it on the last day. They also sang, danced, and displayed their artwork. I think it was a week they will never forget, and hopefully the message sank deep into their hearts that they are loved, beautiful and precious to God.

There was also an amazing Indonesian film crew that came along and made a short film while we were there. So the children got to see themselves on the TV which was very exciting, and probably made them proud of their culture and stories portrayed in the film.

I'm about to begin the next phase of my journey and travel up to Chiang Mai and then onto Mae Sot and begin working with the Burmese and Karen people there. I'm excited not really knowing how everything's going to look yet, but knowing God has good things in store. There are more people that are going to be joining the team and coming on staff, so pray that our hearts and visions come together and we'll be a great team! :)

Thanks for all your prayers and emails, they keep me going!
Love,
Rachel

Indonesia

2008-07-08T08:42:00.000-07:00

June 21, 2008

Hey Friends, Just wanted to let you know I've arrived in Indonesia. I'm here with a group of five people and we're going to be doing an arts camp the next two weeks. I'm excited to see how it goes and toget to know the kids at the schools here in Malang, and then out to the jungles of Kalimantan. I'll be helping lead the visual arts program and we'll be doing lots of painting and helping kids dream and tell their life stories. So please pray that goes well and that the children's lives will be spoken into.

Indonesia

2008-07-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Making, Taking, Faking Love

2007-12-14T07:13:00.000-08:00

Whether we like it or not, much of our self-worth is rooted in how others feel or think about us. If we belong to no one, we begin to feel we are worthless. Because of this we will do almost anything to belong to someone or to belong to something.

We live in a world of users where we abuse each other to dull the pain of our aloneness.

There's something deeper going on inside us that we're tryin to ignore, even drown out. We are alone, disconnected, and deficient in love. Deep down inside we know we cannot fill the vacuum within our souls by consuming people.

Love is not about how many people we have used, but about how much we have cherised one person.

I've come to find over time that players are the ones who are most afraid. They are afraid to love, and so they make it a game. They're terrified of loving deeply, and so the keep everything superficial. I think deep inside they wonder whether any woman could actually love them if she really knew who he was.

If you really believed you were capable of loving deeply and profoundly, what in the world would keep you from it? Is it that your heart so longs for love and longs to love, but you've settled for so much less?

-Erwin Mcmanus "Soul Cravings"