I got to attend a conference on friday on child protection. My heart almost broke when a friend there told me that children orphaned by the cyclone in Burma sing and pray this song at night:

"Hide me now, under your wings,
Cover me within your mighty hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar
I will soar with you above the storm
Father you are king over the flood
I will be still and know you are God.

Find rest my soul, in Christ alone
Know his power in quietness and trust."

Village visit

This past weekend was a valuable time in which I learned through a feeling of loneliness the strong desire of my heart to meet and be filled by the heart of God. I had been through some personal experiences that left me feeling a little sad, overwhelmed and disappointed. I was comforted by the sweetness of God as I traveled throughout the countryside of thailand. Whenever I get outside the city, I look for a field or a tree I can go sit under, take a journal and find solace and pray and God always meets me there.

This time I went up to Chiang Rai, with my roommate Sia, for her friend's wedding. It was an interesting cultural experience, and many of the Akha hilltribe ladies came dressed in their beautiful traditional outfits they've handmade. We stayed in Sia's mother's hut and slept on the floor at night. The view from her house was amazing. It was a great time of being together with her family. The village was like a clash between ancient and modern, Check out the satellite on the side of this grass hut!

Living in the in-between

What can I say? On one hand I'm wondering how long I can really stay here. I'll have to cut corners and make money stretch, but that's fairly easy to do in Thailand. I can survive here on little. I get all caught up in this weird complex feeling guilty for support raising enough to fulfill my budget, because the refugees here live on the very very basics and sometimes not even that. Fish paste and rice, and sometimes there's enough soap and mosqito nets. So how can I possibly complain if I have to start eating on a couple dollars a day? I feel poor in comparison to my friends in America, yet wealthy compared to my friends in thailand.

I also want to help people here with what I have, but am I just throwing money at a problem and creating a cycle of dependency? What is the right thing to do here? I can't just ignore hungry kids either. I can feed and clothe a few kids, but not all of them. What about the rest? There are always more children that need food and clothes. They keep pouring over from Burma each day. I feel bad helping some and not the others. But if we don't help the "some" no one will be helped. This is tearing at my brain and heart.