Peeling Back the Layers

While reading Francis Chan’s book, ‘Forgotten God’, I was reminded of a little girl in our care who is covered in a thick layer of skin. Chan references C.S. Lewis’s book, The Voyage of the Dawn Treader, in which a young boy transforms into a dragon. The only way for him to become a boy is to undergo a tremendous amount of pain and as the dragon skin is peeled and torn from him. Chan says “Only after he endures this painful process is he transformed from a dragon back into a boy.”

When Baby Su Su, a child born with Harlequin syndrome, was first brought into the care of Compasio, she was covered in a thick layer of protective skin, or an armor of sorts. This hardened shell encased her from birth to protect her extremely sensitive skin. The pictures of her were so horrific that we could not even post them on the internet. There are only about 100 known people in the world that are diagnosed with this extremely rare skin condition. Her skin doesn’t allow any moisture to escape and if not soaked in water and peeled away, the scales on her body will harden and crack her skin open and cause infection. So as a part of her daily routine, she has to undergo long baths and repeated peeling sessions and be covered in oily creams and lotions to help moisturize her skin.

During the first month, her initial dark brown casing has peeled off and underneath light pink skin appeared. I think about how where I’m from, Southern California, how much emphasis is put on looks, tanning, dying, bleaching, waxing, training, toning,… all to achieve a more beautiful self (according to a western perspective). Su Su can’t do anything to improve the way she appears.




Tonight as I held up her tiny head during her bath time, I was reminded that despite the tragic way she was born, she is still just a little baby underneath. She giggles, erratically waves around her hands and feet, screams, burps loudly, and coos (and sometimes leaves little surprises in the tub). Despite her outer appearance, she’s a charmer and melts most hearts.
Our care is not based on outer appearance and how adorable she is. We love as Jesus loves, we love her for who she is, and the simple fact that she is a child created in the image of God.



Peel back my hardened shell.
Begin the painful process of shedding.
Take away the layers of pain to discover,
The person inside, that I’ve hidden away.
Reveal my true self.
Who you created me to be.
Radiant and beautiful.
Loved, because I am yours.

Creative Restoration

As my heart is being renewed... and the healthier I become emotionally and spiritually, I feel like my creativity is being restored and becoming a way to bring healing as well.

Last week we had a community soaking (worship) time where we listened to beautiful music in a relaxing, cozy environment.

I set up an art station and some of us painted, drew, collaged, and wrote out words that God was speaking to us. I love the community that we're developing here and how God is drawing our hearts closer together.

Every week we have days that we help out at the children's home, so whenever it's my turn I take along a bag of art supplies and bust them out with the kids. It's been so fun to see their creativity. I'm inspired to learn more about Art Therapy and try to find ways to help the kids find help and healing from their wounds. Maybe that just means sitting with them, painting together and listening when they open up and talk about their lives.

This week we're creating life books with the kids. I look forward to walking through this journey with them.

"I'll call nobodies

and make them somebodies;

I'll call the unloved

and make them beloved.

In the place where they

yelled out "you're nobody!"

they're calling you

'God's living children.'

(Taken from Romans 9 in the Message)

My re-awakening

I feel like I’ve experienced a re-awakening of my faith in this fall!

I’m so excited to share what has happened in my heart. This past year I’ve walked around with blinders on my heart and they’re starting to come off and I’m seeing God for the first time in a totally different way.

I’d become tired, bored and cynical with church and my faith. It had started to not mean anything to me. The words from the bible that I’d memorized when I was a kid had lost their meaning I’d heard them so many times. Christian-eze (you know the words we all use that makes the world look at us funny and wonder what the heck we’re talking about) had really turned me off and made me leery of going to church at all. I associated a lot of scripture with judgment, condemnation, legalism, and boring sermons.

I wanted fresh faith. A renewal of my love for him. A love like I’d never known.

But I didn’t know how to get there.

It all started when the training program Compasio is running began teaching us about father heart of God. I read the book, alongside The Shack and a few others with the same theme and was blown away.

God really loves me.

Really.

(And not only that but he likes me!)

He cares about my life, and has good plans for my life.

This sounds elementary, but I am finally ‘getting’ it. Something clicked and sank in. I’m trying to erase the hard drive of my faith and re-learn who God is (with fresh eyes). I’m trying not to get hung up on certain language or phrases that I usually automatically tune out. I’ve started reading scriptures from The Message translation and it’s really opened up a new world to me. I mean, these scriptures are ALIVE and totally make sense for my life today! So fresh, and full of meaning and saying exactly what my heart feels.

Instead of a do and don’t list I’m finding Jesus’ words of love and teaching that makes sense to my heart and mind.

Like this verse from Ephesians 5:

“Observe how Christ loved us.
His love was not cautious but extravagant.
He didn’t love in order to get something from us
but to give everything of himself to us.
Love like that.”

Now THAT really makes me want to love like he does!

I’m finding a Jesus I am fond of, and who is fond of me! A God I want to follow, love and worship. Not because I have to, or should out of guilt, duty or appearances, but DESIRE to out of a place he’s deeply touched and begun to heal. My heart.

“He stood me up on a wide open field. I stood there saved- surprised to be loved!
Now you’ve got my feet on the life path.
Ever since you took my hand
I’m on the right way.”
(From Psalm 16).

Free to fly

As the weather in Thailand is almost ALWAYS hot and humid, we had the doors open at the office/guesthouse today, to let in a breeze. The wind wasn't the only thing the blew in today. Two birds came gliding in the doorway and circled around the living room. I was transfixed by the surreal scene. (I recently watched Inception, and now question reality, ha ha). I stood there amazed for a while, until my more practical boss suggested that I open the windows and doors in the house and try and help them to fly out.

The birds flew upstairs and into a fairly large bedroom, so I quickly shut the door behind them and opened a door leading to the balcony outside and freedom. They flew around the room confused for a while, landing on curtain rods, lamps, the bed, but seemed to avoid their only source of escape. I couldn't understand, the room was dark, the only light was coming in through the open door, yet they shied away from it. I was verbally encouraging the birds (yes, I was talking to wild animals), "Go towards the light! Come on, the door's right there, you can be free. Why won't you go outside? It's where you want to be." And then I realized how frightened the birds were. I could see their hearts beating so hard their chests were thudding. They were reacting in panic and flying into walls. It felt so distressed and helpless watching them suffer. I wanted them to be free but they had to find the way out for themselves. All I could do was encourage from the sidelines.

I think I felt sad because I realized I relate to their situation in more ways than one. Sometimes I hide from the thing I need most, I run away from the light because I'm scared. I feel trapped and helpless, and want someone to show me the way out.

It also reminded me of some of the people we've met along the border. Life has become so terrifying that they react and live out of fear and panic. When everything is stripped away, and all you possess is your own soul and family, your children are hungry and crying, desperation sets in. You have to dig through garbage to find food. You will do anything to help them. You would lie, beg, cheat, steal, even go to prison, and some have. Where is their way out? Where is the open door, the light? Where is their salvation and hope?

Sometimes I feel like we're lights on the runway, trying to wave people in the right direction and help them find the way. We are not their salvation, but we know the one who is.

The birds eventually found their way out.

I was looking at a picture of a fallen cottonwood tree against a starry night sky. And the photographer had written below that he often returned to that spot to witness the tree’s changes. He noticed, “when a fractured limb decayed, then sprouted new growth right before my eyes, it was a powerful reminder that there are times we have to let part of ourselves go to make way for something new.” Sometimes letting go of something or someone, feels like we lose part of who we are, part of our identity.

Last week at a house church here in Thailand the theme was ‘Goodbyes’ (which means, ‘God be with you’). Several of the missionary kids are graduating high school this week and must leave their families and go to a different country (to the states) for college. It was a tearful time as they said goodbye to ‘home’, the culture they’d formed here, and their families and to move to an entirely different life where things worked differently. They will go on to undoubtedly experience some real struggles, beyond the usual homesickness and search for identity students go through. I thought of the sacrifice they were making, and their families were making. But if they remained, their growth would stagnate and they would miss out on an education. It was time for them to leave the nest and go to a place far far from home.

Some of the youth, who were leaving shared, “The fruit needs to fall from the tree or it will rot. It will not complete it’s purpose.” The pastor was completely honest. He said, I’m going to admit things will change and it will hurt a lot (talking to those who were both leaving and those who were staying behind) but God is your refuge in that pain. If we let go for a little while, we’ll be able to see for eternity the fruit of the seed that has fallen.

Maybe we can’t always go with each other, but you can be sure that wherever you go, or whatever struggle or change in life you go through, God will be with you.

The power of a word

When I'm hanging out with friends, I'm used to being around people who tease and joke with pretty sarcastic humor, all in good fun, but sometimes it cuts a little too close and actually stings a little. Sometimes, I too, get in the habit of saying things that are borderline mean when I'm trying to joke, and I'm used to receiving this kind of 'love' in return.

So it really surprised me the other day, when I was borrowing a friend's motorbike and getting ready to drive away, and he said, "You be careful!" And I said, "You mean, take care of your precious bike"? And he said surprisedly, "No! I mean, take care of your precious Life!"

I was kind of dumbstruck. I, swallowed hard, put on my helmet (which I don't always bother to wear, but felt the strange pull to wear it today), and slowly drove away. It may have been a simple thing for him to say, and he may not have given it a second thought afterwards. But it stuck with me and left me with something to think about the rest of the ride. His words, in contrast to the biting answer I was expecting, kinda blew me away.

I don't think anyone has ever said that to me before...

Yes, sure, I've heard that all our lives are precious to God, and even told it to other people. But maybe I didn't really understand that it applied to me, until someone spoke those words to me.

I thought about this fact,
someone thinks my life is precious...
and that I should take care of it....

It hit me deeply. As I drove down the highway, tears rained down my face. I know I have a bit of a broken self image, which is taking a lifetime to heal, but if someone else believes my life is precious enough to take care of... maybe I should believe it too.

Community

Have you seen the T.V. series "Community"? Since I spent a couple years at Pasadena City College back in the day, I find it hilarious. It's a funny show that singles out all the different kinds of people that go to Community College; the nerdy guy who talks a lot, the odd old guy, the divorced mother who's going back to school, the pretty girl, the guy who was popular in high school, but is now feeling like a loser, etc. And what makes it funny is that you've probably known or been similar to one of the characters.

So this odd group of people ends up in a Spanish study group together, and they couldn't BE more different! But, what makes me love this show is that despite how different they are, and how unlikely it is that they would be friends, they end up growing to be each others best friends and creating their own "Community". They come to accept, and even stand up and defend each other and become their own kind of family. In the first episode the nerdy guy who talks a lot, spills a lot of information to the main character, about a girl the other one has a crush on, and he looks at him and says "I see your value now." And even though he's using the nerdy guy to some extent, it's a touching moment. And he replies, "That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me."

But it just made me think, who have I known who has seen my true value? I can think of a handful of friends and relatives, and realized, these are the people who have left the biggest impacts on my life. They were Jesus to me. They saw something inside me which I was unable to see. They listened to me and didn't push me aside or ignore me. They saw my worth, as a child of God, and pointed it out to me and made me see it too. That was one of the best gifts anyone could ever give me.

Who has seen your true value? Who makes you see it too? Do you look for the gift in others? Try and see someone's true value today, look a little deeper, and then let them know! Think of what an incredible difference you could make in someone's life, simply by noticing, and pointing it out.

Swine Flu masks=deep thoughts

People wear some pretty strange masks. Especially now that swine flu has been going around. I’ve seen masks painted up with hearts and flowers, vampire teeth, kissy lips, buckteeth, the works. Anything to be different and still be a shield of protection.

Yesterday I saw a guy on a motorbike wearing a black mask with white skeletal teeth and jaw painted on it. It made him look like something out of a horror film. It shocked me at first when he saw me staring and he waved at me. I jumped, and then realized all I could see were his eyes, he might actually be a friendly guy and smiling underneath for all I knew. It reminded me that no matter how scary or different he looked or acted, he was just human underneath.

It made me start thinking about masks. We all seem to wear a few. Which ones do I wear? What do they protect me from? How many people do I let see the real me, raw and real? How many people do I meet every day that look perfectly normal on the outside, yet are hiding great pain, anger, rejection, or feelings of shame and worthlessness?

How can we develop an atmosphere of trust, where people feel free to let down their guard in our presence and feel welcomed and loved, just as they are? I think it begins by allowing God to really see us, just as we are, not hiding behind anything and receiving what he says about who we are. And then maybe we can gingerly begin to lift our own mask.