What can I say? On one hand I'm wondering how long I can really stay here. I'll have to cut corners and make money stretch, but that's fairly easy to do in Thailand. I can survive here on little. I get all caught up in this weird complex feeling guilty for support raising enough to fulfill my budget, because the refugees here live on the very very basics and sometimes not even that. Fish paste and rice, and sometimes there's enough soap and mosqito nets. So how can I possibly complain if I have to start eating on a couple dollars a day? I feel poor in comparison to my friends in America, yet wealthy compared to my friends in thailand.
I also want to help people here with what I have, but am I just throwing money at a problem and creating a cycle of dependency? What is the right thing to do here? I can't just ignore hungry kids either. I can feed and clothe a few kids, but not all of them. What about the rest? There are always more children that need food and clothes. They keep pouring over from Burma each day. I feel bad helping some and not the others. But if we don't help the "some" no one will be helped. This is tearing at my brain and heart.
3 comments:
Rachel, you have such a good heart but don't think too much!! (if it's coming from me, you know i'm not joking since i'm not one to talk about thinking too much!) Unfortunately, as we have witnessed, poverty and economic inequalities is far too prevelant throughout the world... Thailand, Burma, the US, and so forth. It's in our front yard and it's in our backyard. I will be thinking and praying for you as you continue to process and continue to seek peace.
just wanted you to know that my heart breaks for the kids and for the pain you experience each day in not being able to help them all. i definitely don't have answers to your questions, but you're not alone. keep loving them as much as you can.
Hey Rachel! I've really enjoyed reading your blog entries. I just heard from Erin, Krista, and Kristen about their time with you. Take Care girl!
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